When the Answer Seems to Be "No"

It has been exactly one year since we posted an adoption update, and unfortunately that is because there is simply nothing to report. May will mark 2 years of being on the waiting families' list. We have been in contact with our agency during this time, and we learned in the Fall that our profile was being passed over in large part due to concerns over us being a military family. So, we updated our profile book to help assuage some concerns expressed by birthmothers about the possibility of instability due to military moves every few years. But we never got a phone call about a placement. That, combined with learning that our agency has had an unusually low placement rate the past couple of years has led us to reconsider our adoption plan.

I LOVE our agency. I think they care so well for birthmothers and work hard to encourage adoptive families in the waiting. But they are having less birthmothers choose adoption in general and less who are choosing our type of profile. We know that if we stay with our current agency, we are likely facing several more years, not months, of waiting. 

So, please pray with us as we decide what to do in the near future. We have been feeling pulled toward international adoption, but we don't want to make a move without prayerful consideration. I am also praying that the Lord will use us in this to minister to other weary and waiting families! 

So many of you have walked this road with us and have been so gracious to us that I wanted to let you know that we are still in the adoption process and we are still eagerly awaiting the little one the Lord has chosen for our family. Feel free to reach out if you have any questions!

--Jessica

When the Waiting is Long

What do you do when the waiting is long, and there is no end in sight? The reality for adoptive parents is that no matter how short or long the waiting actually is, it all feels like too long. But that's not the kind of waiting I mean. I am talking about when things really do take a long time.

It can be easy to feel discouraged when plenty of adoption stories sound something like, "we finished our paperwork, and a week (or month) later we had a child! All in God's timing!" I've read 2 stories like that just today. Most of the time, people are just expressing gratitude to God and that is a beautiful thing! Sometimes, though, we can mistake God's delay or quickness to give a good gift as somehow dependent on how well we behave. How well we've trusted. Prayed. Believed.

God's timing may also be, like it has been for us, to remain in the adoption process for YEARS, not months. Or to wait on that relationship to be restored for half a lifetime. Or to be single a little longer when you desire to be married.

Can I just encourage us all to dig into Scripture that speaks of God's goodness? Perhaps Psalm 16? Or Psalm 118? Hold tight to our good God, for he hasn't abandoned us.

God is Faithful

Remember our adoption puzzle fundraiser? Here's the finished puzzle! 

Today, Chris received a job transfer to Indiana that will allow us to begin the work of church planting with our friends, the Garrisons. This is a move we have been praying for and working towards for months. Even though we're in packing mode for our move to Indiana, I think we'll leave the puzzle out for a while as a reminder of God's faithfulness and kindness. He provided through so many of you for our adoption costs. Each puzzle piece has the name of a donor on the back (which I won't show for the sake of privacy). Each piece represents a specific act of kindness from friends, family, and sometimes, complete strangers.

We are still waiting for our little one. It is not easy to face the potential of leaving North Carolina without a placement. But God has answered so many of our prayers this week. The burden of prolonged waiting in multiple areas of our lives was lifted a bit, which is a kindness we don't deserve. I am encouraged that this same God is Lord over our family. After all, "unless the Lord builds the house, those who labor build in vain." I am excited to see what God is building! 

So, we wait with hope.

The Easy Way

I was gifted a book of poems by a dear co-worker who also adopted young ones. I think the poem below expresses perfectly the emotions surrounding conversations about adoption. I also believe it's a good reminder to be kind (and more sensitive) to one another; what you and I may perceive as the easier way -- whether that's in growing a family, marriage, or some other issue altogether -- may be the most difficult moments of a person's life.

The Easy Way

The easy way to have a child,

The gossips would agree, 

Is just to place an order

And avoid the pregnancy

Why bother with the nine months wait, 

The gain, the girth, the pain?

Why try so hard just to conceive?

It's really quite inane

When all those homeless babies

Wait behind the agency doors.

Why overpopulate the earth 

When those kids could be yours?

The easy way to have a child

Is just to order one,

And drive right over and pick one out -

Either kind - daughter or son!

Besides, they say, God's plan must be

Both wise and circumspect,

That you will raise the children

That the rest of us reject

The easy way - no muss, no fuss,

No worry before the birth.

The easy way - no recovery time,

You can hurry back to work!

The easy way? Ah, mavens!

Perhaps you didn't know

The wait has stretched to years, not months,

Adoption is so slow. 

And twenty-five eager couples wait

For every babe who's placed.

There are rules and regulations,

Investigations to be faced.

And if we pass inspection - 

Are approved for a daughter or son - 

We face a years long "pregnancy"

And supervision 'fore it's legally done.

And then we face the gossips agains.

Their questions and comments hit home.

Do you know his real mother and father?

How sad there's not one of your own!

Or, How could anyone ever give up

Their very own flesh and blood?

Poor baby, he'll miss real mother love. 

How kind of you people, how good!

Then it's How could you ever do that - 

Take such a child to your breast?

The child won't know where his place is!

He'd be better off somewhere else.

Adoption avoids the labor, 

But there's pain of a different kind. 

There's just as much worry beforehand,

No less apprehensive a mind.

But, then, children don't ever come simply.

There are trials in every way

To gain the treasure of love in a family.

There isn't an easy way.

-- Pat Johnson, Perspectives on a Grafted Tree

Summer Fun

This summer has been packed full of trips and getting ready here at home for little one, as well as preparing for our move to Indianapolis (Hi Garrisons! We miss you!). The pictures that follow are a visual update about what we have had going on. We continue to be thankful for your support and prayers; your encouragement keeps us clinging to our good Father's plan. For me, spending time with so many friends and family that we haven't seen in a while has been so restful and needed after a tiring journey with adoption and fertility.

While this isn't technically an adoption update, I thought I'd show what we've done this summer while we wait.

We celebrated 5 years of marriage on June 5th this year! While those 5 years have not all been easy, Chris has always been a kind gift from the Lord to me. We were in Florida spending time with family during that week, and we were able to spend the day together at Universal on our actual anniversary.

Finn had a blast with his "cousin" (my sis-in-law Katie's dog, Belle) during his week in Florida.

Finn turned 2. Yes, we are those dog owners.

We've enjoyed spending lots of time with our Small Group this summer. They are a constant source of encouragement and growth in Christ. We could not do this without you, SG! This is my favorite SG picture from this summer :)

This has been a summer of weddings! It was a joy to be able to see our friend since college, Nathan, and his bride Jenny get hitched. Congratulations, you two!

At Nathan's wedding, we were able to finally meet the son of our good friends, the Wyllys. We were thankful to get a little extra time with them and their 2 kiddos at the Georgia Aquarium. We hope to see you again soon!

My best friend since high school, Molly, also got married this summer! I am beyond grateful that I was able to be a part of her wedding and spend a couple of weeks with her preparing for the festivities. I have been praying with my friend for years for a godly husband, and it is good to be reminded that God answers prayers.

After Molly's wedding, I got to see my brother and sis-in-law, Danielle for a week. It has been over a year since Chris and I have seen them and I have missed them terribly. Love you both.

Thank you, Lord, for your good gifts. 

Thank YOU

While we don't have any updates about the arrival of baby Anest, we do have a very important update to share with you: our adoption is FULLY funded! This is a huge praise! Because we're now on the waiting list, it takes a great deal of stress away knowing that we will be able to say "YES!" whenever we receive that very important phone call.

I know several of you have asked us about a timeline. I wish so much that I could give you one! Our domestic adoption may be a little different from what you probably think of with adoptions, though. For many international adoptions, families are given a waitlist number. That is not the case for us. At our agency, a birthmother has the option to choose the family. To me, this is a beautiful thing! I see this as one of the ways our agency cares for the birthmother; it offers a little bit of closure knowing that she was able to make a decision about the life her child will have.

I wanted to take a minute to express our deepest gratitude to you all for the way you have shown us generosity over and over again in our endeavor to bring our little one home. We were moved to tears many times just seeing the way that God provided through your gifts to us.

We still want to see you wearing your t-shirt. If you bought one from us, please send us a pic! 

Homestudy Celebration Day

This is the look of two people who are on the waiting list! 

We signed our home study document, paid the waiting list fee, and now we just wait. 

We celebrated with a coffee date (our favorite). 

Continue to pray for us as this we expect this to be the hardest part. Our adoption agency gave us a cautious timeline and told us to expect a 12 month wait. However, we know that it could be quite a short time before we get "the call," so we are preparing a nursery and getting things ready now. My mother-in-law is actually helping us paint a dresser for the nursery as I type this (thank you, Deanna!).

We are closer to being fully funded, and praise the Lord for that. If you would like to support us and help us raise the last of the adoption funds needed, please click the link on the right side of this page. We also have just FOUR t-shirts left: 1 medium, 1 large, and 2 XLs. Let us know if you would like one, and we'll gladly get that to you! 

We're waiting on you, little one. 

--Chris and Jessica